a shitty rant about nothing whatsoever.

this past weekend, i have just been feeling worse and worse. ever since friday afternoon, when i could've gone out with friends, this stupid thing has to to happen to our car and i have to clear it up. i'm just getting more sick of the family business every day because i hate how my parents rely on me to help them out and do so much shit. i don't think they understand that i really want to have a life outside this house and not just study like the want me to do 24/7.

furthermore, as i am slowly been trapped in the house more and more, my friends are slowly starting to forget me. this worries me, because it shows just how little i mean to them. someone i was really close with last year barely even talks to me or have a funny and in depth conversation with me. something we used to do every day. i just feel more frustrated that i have to cope with all of this and no one can fully understand me because there is no way i can tell them.

on the outside, i try to act happy and make the few funny jokes i usually do but deep inside, my emotions are slowly crumbling and i just don't know what to do anymore. and even if i want to be more open with my friends, they are getting really boring and just do shit all and are some of the laziest people i know. all the talk about is food, fan fiction, harry potter and darren criss. i mean don't get me wrong, but i love those things, but talking about it every single lunch and recess gets kinda boring.

i'm just so sick and tired of life in general and would really like a change. i miss the fun times we used to have and when people actually cared about me. caring does not mean sharing a joke or two every once in a while, but actually able to have a proper conversation that spans for more than 2 minutes. the worst thing is that there is probably only one or two people i can trust or properly chat with. because i know they actually care about how i'm feeling and not just that "oh she looks fine, so we can assume she's fine."

this sounds like i'm just some "forever alone" tumblr freak, but i'm not because i actually just want to have the same friendships as i used to. maybe when i go off to london in july, i'll just stay there and not come back because i reckon starting fresh is always easier to mend broken relationships.